Dear strangers, whoever reads this crap.
I know I sounded like I’m in a bad mood but hey, I’m not gonna lie to you, I am in a bad mood. I think I am depressed again. As when I thought I’m heading to the right direction, life drags me right back down and punched me on my face. My work has been getting tough lately. I’m not going into details, basically it just me not doing my job well and it is likely I’m gonna be suffering for the next couple months. And it comes the work pressure and the future is bleak. Knowing that I am bad at my work while I can’t change much and do much about it at the meantime really kills me. It’s the fight and flight mode again. I felt like trapped and all I want is to run from it. Same goes to my bf. He has some problem with his work and he has been contemplating about quitting his job.
Everything feels like falling apart. Maybe I am falling apart piece by piece psychologically. Maybe I am. How I wish I do have another personality like Elliot Alderson has Mr Robot with him when time gets tough. All I did is fidgeting, stares into the space and feeling anxious about the whole thing, feeling the the world is gonna collapse. All I hope for is some miracles. Maybe let me win a lottery. And I will be just fine.