I couldn’t wait any longer than 10 days. So I made up my mind and I messaged him at 11-ish pm, 6 November 2015 yesterday.
“Have your verdict? Whatever happens, let’s be adults and talk about it face to face.”
“Sorry, it has been busy for me. About it, I don’t think it will work for us.”
“I knew it all these time. It was just stupid of me, I just want to hear you say no.”
But I wasn’t satisfied with his answer. I want to hear it from his own voice, and I called him. Apparently he was still at work.
He told me that he used to have feelings for me, until a month ago. He has feelings for some gal from his office now. I thank him for the honesty. Because that is what I really need from him. I just want to come clean and let go of things that are no longer relevant in my life and be honest with myself. I wanted him to break all of my illusions and impossible dreams that I made up. I needed a kick, a wake-up call and I got it.
Soon after, I ended up calling D because I wasn’t so sure what was I feeling, things just numb. Because I have no one to turns to at this wee hour for advice or comfort or put my mind in order. I cried a little here and there throughout the 2.5hours call. I told him what happened and we talked like old friends (I’m not obsessed with D anymore so-to-speak), talked about what am I going to get over it, that I should totally be on Tinder (yes I just downloaded it but I haven’t figured out how to use it yet) and I should be going out seeing new people and do something about it instead of sitting there, wallow about my pathetic life. I feel like doing something ceremonial to put things into an end, like getting an earlobe pierce or a tattoo (but I haven’t felt heartache yet, so not too sure what is the whole point of doing it, and D forbids me from tattoo), unfollow or unsubscribe or unfavorite him on Facebook, or unfollow him on Spotify so I can’t listen to what he is listening (I did, immediately, it was a huge relief) . And I sorta promise D that I can have a week of ‘sad me’. And by the end of next week, I shall be okay with it.
I’m glad that we are like platonic soulmates, not lovers. He understands me well like no one. Being honest with him was a relief. Because we know nothing gonna break us anymore. Ps, he told me I should have more dignity. I guess my dignity has been always all time low. 😄