Last Friday i went out with sunrise guy again. After for so long, i have waited this moment for so long. God you hav no idea, i have been waiting for that day for months. I missed my alone time with him. I want to know him more, what’s going on with life. We went to this Nepali cuisine and he liked it, thank god. And we went on watch the Everest movie(bad one, boring i think). When he wears his 3D spectacles, i can’t help i want to look at him. He was hot, with his 2days old face hair, wearing his button-up blue work shirt, i was literally swooned. He looked exactly as i would imagine he would look like. I can’t stop looking at him. He is beautiful indeed.
He loves kids. And he used to have 2guinea pigs but they were shocked died by the feral. No wonder he is so afraid of dogs. After movie we parted at the MTR station. It was an awkward fist pump on my arm. I think he’s still very awkward about the whole thing. Maybe I am to blame too. I was too shy and crazy about this personal zone thing. I think the only thing I can try to bond with him through books.
On last Saturday Morning, my mind went haywire. I must admit, I haven’t been sleeping well recently. And my mind had a throw fit. I woke up crying about my parents, my relationship with them and everything. I could hardly calm myself for that whole day. Nothing makes me better. Not even a cup of lady grey. I felt myself drowning, under the water. I needed someone to talk too. So I messaged the sunrise guy through Facebook, tried to start a conversation, anything that takes my mind away. And he didn’t reply to me at all. At night I can’t hold myself anymore. Because I need the explanation. For those messages that I’ve sent way back then, even months back, I felt sad that I was ignored. I WhatsApped him, ask him whether he read the messages I’ve sent him. My mind told me I said something wrong, or something to him. Apparently he read it but he didn’t reply because he was busy(today), and he said he’s not the kind of person who reply much or get offended by nothing. Apparently it’s my over thinking strikes again, and I was guilty as fuck and apologized to him. He assured me nothing wrong. I need that.
Sunday, I gathered my courage to ask him out for the coming week again. I was ecstatic he said yes to hiking this coming Sunday. At least they give me hope. All I need is hope. For now, it’s surviving. I just want to be love. I want to be more than this.
Today, My mind is spinning, like today’s weather. Chilling, and rainy. It’s like a huge cloud on my head that I can’t seems to get rid of it. I’m just so mellow, tired, I’m not too sure what am I doing whole day. I feel like a walking zombie. Feels like hiding inside my blanket and snuggle for the rest of my life. I’m that tired.