At this moment, my head is throbbing, slightly spinning. I think it could be caffeine overload. I had two glasses of bad ice coffee today and I swear they are poisonous-taste-wise. And I had just witnessed the barista in the house steamed the milk by literally putting the gun into the cold milk and put it there. She didn’t even make an effort to make smaller bubbles or move the metal container. GEEZ. FK THIS SHIT.
And I think I’m down to something again. I didn’t sleep well last night. Or the last couple of nights. Or so far, since I’m here in Shanghai. The bed is hard as hell, less than 3cm-thick. We don’have the luxury of privacy in common shower room. For almost 17 days, I’ve been feeling just fine, I have endured terrible birthday (I kept it secret from people around me) and miscommunication (I don’t feel upset about it, just mild annoyance, I’ve grown to love my solitude.
But today is particularly bad. Yesterday’s lengthy bus ride (we went to Hangzhou and it was disaster, with bad traffics and pollution) gave me plenty of time to think. The other day I was giving a friend some advice, and I told her “You got nothing to lose.” My own words struck me. It bugged me. Somehow I had this thought of telling him how I feel. At this point, I’m contemplating to fly back earlier than I should, as I find no reasons to stay in Shanghai any longer (it’s pricier than I thought to spend my time here and I don’t find anything that is really appealing to me- mediocre coffee culture here). One of the reasons I came to Shanghai is to move myself away from him. It’s like a testament of how I actually feel for him. I didn’t message him or talk to him much for the days I’m here. But there is never a day I don’t miss him. I guess I like him more than I originally planned.