I had a breakdown yesterday midnight amidst the convo with slim bitch. We were talking about how we both wanting to be loved. She touched my nerves. I broke down and cried. I had my moments of doubt and having someone there is convincing, it’s comforting. It feels good to have someone, knowing someone will be there telling you you’re alright and you’re worthy of loving. Those moments when you barely alive, too stressed out, when your mood at the bottom of the rut.
I still yearn, yearn to be touched, cared and loved no matter what. That is just something as human, we do. It makes me flourish and giving me so much pain.
This is the part where I walk away. I need to walk away from him (sunrise guy), I need to make myself walk away from this so I don’t get burnt again. In deep down, I can feel that this is not working and this is not healthy for me and him. I don’t want to get invested so deep that I can’t pull myself back again.
I have done it a couple of times and it ruined me bad, left me scarred, still ache sometimes.
I want to love myself more. I need to be more selfish.