Last night was a really long day. Went for training at a behavioral center in the morning and the hotline at night and I’m having my period on the first day. Believe me, it was a recipe for disaster. And the next day (ie, today), I have a test in the morning, which I believed I scored badly.
For the first time, I manned the whole 3-hours long session for the suicide hotline by myself with my buddy at my back. It was a rough, rough day. I had 10 callers in total, 2 sex (one male one female) callers and some real distress and depressed callers. Heavy stuffs, believe me. Especially the last one, the way he talks really hit home. The part where midnight is the most peaceful time of the day although he hates to be insomniac. Really resonates with me. It really sank me down a bit.
So I tried to reach out to the Sunrise guy, called him to talk about this. At first he was completely puzzled about the whole point of me calling him. He thought that I think he is suicidal and shits. After some juggles he understood my predicaments. I was upset about the calls. It was some heavy stuffs and I realized I might have picked them up. I just need some place to catharsis. And I thought of him. I thought it was a good idea, but he was all weird and thought I was joking and shits. It made me upset a bit. I swear I did screamed ‘shut up’ at him a few times. I was agitated and I went speechless a couple times.
He was afraid of me being silent, I was thinking actually, processing. Because things have been overwhelming to me. So when I was in silence, he asked whether I was crying. That actually made me cry. He said where were I so he can come and talk to me, but I insisted he stay back don’t come because it was all unnecessary, he needs to pack his bag and go home the next day. I was glad he said that. Made my heart melts a little and that really comforting.