“I know it is not okay to you.”

I think it’s a huge step, for him to leap or anything. He never really say no to me, but when I ask him again about going out somewhere with me today he got a bit hesitated and said that he wasn’t in the mood to do so. It’s good for him actually.

“It’s okay.”

“I know it is not okay to you.”

“It’s fine it’s fine. Are you feeling bad mood?”

“A bit, just a bit.”

I tried to cheer him out, so I offered myself to buy him some dessert and come over to his place. He said that

“Why? tell me.”

Message sent but no sign of reply even after 5 minutes. I thought he was in some sorta trouble so I nudged him a little, and ask him how he feels about it. It was actually his paper stuffs some technical problems that he has to deal with.

I think he knew that I’m not in a good mood, he can tell from my most recent public blog. I didn’t sleep well and I slept like less than 6 hours. PMS has been hitting me hard, headaches and hot and cold flushes. These couple of days our plan were ruined it worries me. Because our time is up and it really cooks up my nerves.

I adore him. I care. Maybe a bit, a bit too much. I just hate how much I feel about people, him especially. It just makes me want to curl up in the corner and cry about it.


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