It’s complicated.

Today, I went to a come out workshop, I mean a workshop for LGBT people to learn about the process of coming out with sharing session.

A few days before, when I first saw this event, I was slightly hesitate while the curiosity struck me. I never feel like the need to come out to anyone, not to my parents at this moment and I have no idea I am very sure about myself (that I am bisexual, because I never been in any relationship of any kind). So going to this kind of event is really a challenge. Because I was afraid to see someone I knew.

And yes. My worst nightmare came true. A student helper I knew from my internship was there. We are not that friend friend, so it’s even more awkward. I never really want to share my stuffs with strangers. But to cut the chase, she asked me what is my orientation and I told her that I am bisexual and in return she said she is unsure. Abruptly, she changed the topic to my intern supervisor, saying that she suspected he is gay. It was good. At least it saved me and her from unnecessary embarrassment and disclosure about ourselves. After all, we don’t know each other so well.

In the middle of talk, someone who I knew walked in. I kept my head down at first, afraid he will notice me. At the end I am not too sure whether he saw me or not but it doesn’t matter. Why hide? I thought. Why would I hide myself for being honest, true to myself? But I was slightly surprised, because I never thought he could be gay. Nonetheless, I left early for my counseling class.

At my counseling class, I didn’t do my best at debriefing, maybe disappoints my favorite teacher for a bit. I can tell he was slightly frustrated. But I did try my best, Cantonese is not my mother tongue and I got out of my comfort zone to do so. I tried. And I done my best….

Later, I skyped with slim bitch, my old bff. Somewhere along the line I told her about my encounter at the come out workshop. She didn’t sound encouraging but slightly puzzled. I guess she is, at some point doesn’t see me as bisexual. But well, I think I have to draw the line, it makes me feel left out a bit.


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