I deliberately rejected a dinner invitation to eat subway alone. I have grown used my solitude and I felt better off being alone and doing my homework alone at the freezing lab. I just don’t think I want to small talk today with my slow progress on my pilling assignments.
But I couldn’t bear being alone and I felt the need to play my guitar so I went back. On the way walking home, I started to think about how inadequate I am feeling. I started to have this inner conversation with D. Talking about the reason why I want to go into therapy and he should be going to see one too.
I recalled back on when I started to have this unknown emotions, maybe I think during the time I knew about my brother is going to have a baby. That time I broke down on the bus. And with the starting of new semester it seems like I have lose my control over my emotions that I am too volatile of a person, I lose myself easily that I constantly find myself crying in public. It’s not just problematic, in fact I look idiotic. Therefore, I went to seek for help.
I am indeed lacking of love.