I need to break myself to build myself up.

A lot of things happened lately and I was caught in between assignments and appointments that I barely have time to myself.

So last Wednesday I went back to Malaysia with my second brother to attend my cousin’s wedding and to meet my new born nephew. Things have changed. A lot of them. I haven’t been there for almost eight months. More new buildings, new family additions. Going back gave me the opportunity to reconnect with my family. At least I was actually looking towards to. I lost my time away studying in HK and I realized things changed more than I can grasp and I just want to hold on to them. And there are a few things I realized:

1. Wedding is not my thing.

How much I hated the ritualistic chinese marital shits that nobody understands how they works and means. I will never do them and no one can force me into one.

2. Childbirth is creepy.

I saw my sis-in-law’s swollen bare breasts and they are infected with pus. All I can see that she was in fking pain.

3. I am losing my time with my family and I am losing my nuclear family.

I wanted to spend some quality time with my mom but it seems like there always been something else that takes up our time and sometimes I just miss my mom.

4. I learn myself better for a bit.

What I like, what I don’t like.

For which, I know I need to love myself more. I need to break myself down, into pieces then build it up again.


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