If I could turn back time.

If I could turn back time. I will like to put my past month into repeat. I wish I could relive the moments that we spent together.

I couldn’t stand anymore. I went into shower while he was on the phone with his dad. He was buying the earlier flight than the one he told e before. He is flying on May 16. I was actually, crying. Because I couldn’t control it. Because I am weak. Because I don’t have any self control. Because he is leaving for real.

I came out of shower looking composed but I was quiet. My heart feeling a little pain but I kept my poker face. But that didn’t last for long.

Almost 2am, he went for shower and he took so long this time. I’m not too sure what was doing inside but it felt like forever. My mind was spinning on and kept on thinking about he is leaving and I couldn’t help sobbing again. He came out seeing me crying.

“What’s wrong?”

“……(one minute later) upset.”

I ran into the toilet because I couldn’t contain  myself anymore. My nose was stuck and I can’t breathe. I cried for some time that I know he can hear me crying very well. When I feeling better, I hesitated a bit, then walk straight hugged him from the side with him sitting on the chair, burying my face on his back. I was crying again.

“Why you have to go so soon?”

“It will always be too soon.”

He didn’t move or touch me. He was very still. But when I take a look at his face i can tell, he was very sad too. I can see his eyes were slightly reddish. Maybe he did cried in his shower.

I went back to toilet just to clean myself up a bit and went back sitting next  to him like nothing happened. Because there is nothing much left to say anyway and he had things to do the next day.


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