Nothing is true. Nothing is real. Everything was just in my mind. They are my illusions and old ideas. And I felt in love with my old ideas.
I took upon the opportunity to send him off back to his dorm from my place. I said I wanted to talk. He was puzzled. He thought I was messed up again like last year summer. I was very upset when I want to leave HK for Ghana. This time, going to Nepal, I don’t feel excited or whatsoever. I felt at peace and too calm that actually creeps me. Around the corner down the road, we talked.
“About the skype messages you sent. It messes with me.”
“I don’t even remember what I said. We’re friends and we both like each other as a person a lot. And I really like you as a person….. But is it love? Do you feel physically attracted to me? I don’t feel that way. And I bet you don’t feel that way too. When you love someone you know it straight away….. We’re just very good friends who can talk about everything and have stay overs and share a lot. …….Is this bothering you? Is it clear? You need to start fresh. And that blog you aren’t suppose to find it. It wasn’t for you.”
Nothing ever happened between us. From what I heard, I think he found someone, or he always has that someone in his mind and I am never part of that picture. He had made it real clear to me about us. Period. I guess this is the end. I finally got his answer. I am wasting my young years. And yes, it is true. I am not really physically attracted to D but just the idea of being a couple fascinates me and we simply don’t work. And I’m not too sure it’s love. Maybe it’s love. But a platonic one.