Speaks my heart.



Sunday June 1, 2014

Nervous. Jittery. It was the last night that I can spend time with D. But he was late from some errands. I am never the priority. Not anymore. I’m more like the booty call, where we only call each other or see each other after 10.30pm. I’m not sure it started since when, but it seems like it and feels like it. Just minus the sex. No sex involved between us. Just talk through the night.

I was freaked out and had my meltdown in amidst of waiting for him and tearing down my wallpapers in my room. I can’t believe, it has been 2 years. And it felt like yesterday. Too much memories made here. I cried so hard and so many times in a day I think I lost count. Coincidentally, my ‘cousin brother’ messaged me and I went over to pay him some money that I owe him. He saw me with teary eyes and I told him what happened and cried more in front of him. I never really cry in front of anyone I know. I don’t know why I just don’t do that. But this time I broke the rule and did an ugly cry. A really ugly one. But never mind, he knows just how I feel and understand that. We small chatted a little and he wished me luck and I left with my eyes more swollen than ever. I washed my face and applied some creams and I flocked to D’s room.

I didn’t dare to look into his eyes at first because my eyes are obviously red and teary. I was afraid he will realize it so I put my head low. But I didn’t talk about me moving tomorrow or whatever. I just want to spend some precious time with him, fills with jokes and laughter. I don’t want to talk about sad stuffs. I was drinking a whole bottle of coke and he called me crazy and tried to stop me from getting diabetes and I chugged on his chocolates and candies in attempt to stop myself from crying and comfort myself. I tried to remember every little details of him. Tried to remember the smell of his room and how he smells like. Time ran too fast, it was 5.30am. I left his room so we both can still grab some sleep and we still have tomorrow.

Monday, 2 June, 10am.

I packed whatever left in my room and throw away the rest and went to C’s room to leave something behind. Oddly, S was in her room, half naked eating breakfast in her room…. And she took almost a minute just to open the door. I find them suspicious but just jokingly walked out of the room to avoid the awkwardness that I just witnessed. I went over to D’s room just to make sure he is awake. He looked like a real shit and looked real pissed that I woke him out like that. Well. He creeps me out a little but I went back to C’s room to wait for him. Soon we went out ate breakfast and went over to see my new apartment. D was really elated and really excited and all perky cheerful seeing my new place. Later on we visited a few places around Central area and Admiralty. I haven’t seen him being so happy for quite a long time. My skin is still burning from today’s merciless sun as KY, C, D and I went out together to the HK biological parks. We haven’t been doing that since forever. But without J, another member of our sexy fat ass group we are not complete. It will be different.

We ended the day by four something because D had something to do. And D only realized that we are never going back to the dorm. His expression went down and energy was all down because he didn’t sleep well last night and he still has a long day to go and other stuffs to do. When we were leaving, C and KY were like really being cooperative and wanted to give us the space so I can do my final talk. But I stopped them. I didn’t tell him because I don’t want to bother him and ruin his day. And my brain was pretty much fried and stuck. I don’t think I can talk more and think straight. So Iet him go. I know I still have chance to see him before my Friday flight to Nepal. I know I still have my chance.

So now, I still have time till Thursday. I will ask him out and speaks my heart for real this time.

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