I’m feeling frustrated. I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure what to do about it, all what to do about us. I wish i have the solution to this. I’m feeling dumb. Stupid. Because he ignores me since yesterday after party. Partly, I think it’s because i know he’s been really busy but ignoring my messages it’s not responsible. I hate it when he does that. It makes me felt like a shit. Like a nothingness. As if I don’t exists. It bruises my ego and heart. Leaving me feeling bad about myself. I felt terrible about myself. Sometimes I blame myself for looking for him.
Feeling pissed all day, I went out with a guy friend of mine whom I treat him like a cousin brother which is five years old older than me. I need to talk things out and I told him my story. He was kind enough to share his current love conundrum and past experiences. It was great to hear some advice and new perspectives to my love conundrum. He is supportive of me telling D how I felt. I felt delighted. At least I know someone is supporting me on this.
“How you feel for him, that’s called love. The things that you do for love, sometimes it doesn’t have to be make sense. I know you love him very much from how you take care of him, think for him, care for him, shower him with your kindness and patient. And you still love him after so long and knowing so much about him and after all you’ve been through. I think he is special to you. If so, don’t let go. No one it’s perfect. But when you felt in love with someone’s flaw, that’s everything. It’s true love.”
I know. Day 2, D still didn’t replying my messages. I know I know he is busy. *cousin brother pointed out(praised) D is a serious working man). But my patient and sanity have it’s limitations. And my heart hurts a bit.