Hush. I shall not whisper the words.

I came to look for him, barged into his room, that one place I haven’t been to for quite some time due to several reasons. One, his room is a mess and he’ll loved to save himself some trouble to tidy up. Second, I… well, he, hmm.. We’re kinda busy with our life. Just like any other semester, he’s fucked up with his academic, slightly money problem and other work problems. Me? I’m just trying real hard to save my semester or I should say, saving my future opportunity to be in a graduate school. Therefore, although I might be fucking busy, I will still drop everything to see him, at least once a week or more if opportunities permit. So when there is no opportunity, I create one.

“Can I see you tonight?”

“erm sure”

He seems, fine expect the fact that he just woke up like an hour ago while it’s 11pm. And we went on talking for hours. He was particularly cheerful and one moment while, all serious in another sec as he was dealing with his work thru Facebook. He smelled great and I’ll loved to sniff them and kiss his skin if he allows(maybe in my dream). And he laughed too, but it’s a bit overly too I mean I haven’t seen him laughing out loud so naturally we both giggle like idiots. I’m happy when he’s happy. By the time 3am, we were starving(and I overheard his tummy was grumble in background. I insisted to go down Mcd as I was starving too and I don’t want him to starve himself and I’ve loved to spend just a bit more time with him. So I dragged him down with me, at the middle of night for supper. To be honest, I haven’t done this with him for quite a long time. And I don’t remember the last time we were walking down the K town together on the street. The street was quiet as expected, just me and him.

He had this fetishism with fries. Not like the typical one, he prefer those soggy, soaked with oil one. He don’t mean that he likes old fries. He just love those soggy old bending fries among the fresh fries. The  peculiar, eccentric type of favorite. But never mind, I love my fries dry and crispy. Just the opposite. So I gave him my soggy fries and I stole and finishes his leftover fries. What a waste I think, but it just perfect. I don’t want that moment slips thru my fingers. It was perfect.

Later that day, he lied (I think) about getting an interview for readmitting into the dorm, he actually didn’t sign up for one. While, he realized he lost his summer residence in the dorm, and that devastates him. But I’m not too sure how should I feel about this, because me myself is leaving the dorm (confirmed) by the end of this semester.

It just got me thinking, I think I don’t want to tell him. I want to hold on to this. There is never a perfect moment where I can confess my love again to him. Until he decides he wants it, there won’t be necessary for me to confess at all because I know it will be dejavu, just like last year and redundant. It might just turn everything into dust all over. And that is the last thing I want to do. I knew this day will come. I deal with departure badly. But my love, my love, D. I’ll hold my breath and shall not whisper the words.


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