Today something peculiar happened to me. I saw D at the podium at school like 5 m away. I’ll say this happens only like once in a blue moon. In this parallel universe, I walked away from him. No, to be correct I hid my face from him, while I was stunted, walked away with my back facing him. When I realised how weird I was 3 seconds later, I turned my head and walked back to look for him. I guess I went full blown retard. In another parallel universe I’ll run to him and say hi or something. I think my body, heart and brain weren’t communicating well today.
But later that day I met him too at this programming workshop. People asked me why I was there as it has nothing fking related to my major. Mostly because of him, ofc. But I just said I’m curious and I wasn’t lying, just this part of me is so tiny that you can say it’s negligible.
When I thought I had the chance to have dinner with him we ended up having dinner with bunch of other engineering guys. Bummer. What was I thinking. And he got to go home. I was quiet. Because I don’t know what to say or do. All I did was looking into his eyes, as if there is answer there. He looked distraught and in real distress. He’s been like this for quite some time. Maybe the whole semester he’s been like this. He looked back, said “what?” Nothing. I just want to look into his eyes. I can spend my whole day look at him if he allows me. I want to hold him too. I need to tell him he’ll be alright. He just need to pull his acts together with the semester about to ends. I am concern about his well being. He is totally depressed. And I don’t want D to suffer from that. I’ve been there last semester. And it will break him.
All I can do is pray for him.