D, I don’t know how you feel. But after a year, I still feel the same. It’s as if they never got away before. I don’t know. Yes you said rip off the bandages. But I guess things doesn’t go away easy, at least for me. You told me to distract myself. I did. I did. I did tried to distract myself so I don’t think about it. But it’s never the same. They are not the same as you. You’re the one and only. Irreplaceable. Despite I tried so hard. I just ended up hurting myself, depress myself more. Because they are not you.
I have no right over you despite I want to. Because it’s selfish. And I won’t let that happen when you don’t want to. After all, most important, I want you to be happy. You’ve grown and changed so much. All the smile you try to put up, I know they are fakes. I miss your smile, you haven’t been really smiling since last year April.
I’ve changed too, I believe in some sense I felt more confident and stronger in solitude. When I thought my feelings for you might due to my inability to cope with alienation. Yes it might be true in some sense, I grew better. You make me a better person. You make me want to be a better person. And your mere presence always calms me down. Because you always know what to say to me. You know the worst of me. And I know the worst of you. And I still need you. Because in spite of everything happened, I love you with all my heart, unconditionally.