I don’t have the answer for everything. Or I would say, you won’t be able to find an answer that can truly right. I know you’re in a state of having vague feeling of uncertainly and helplessness because you always think that you need to be right and at the mean time you don’t have the constructs to understand and comprehend your life. But is it really matters? I know you always said it is a conscious choice. Maybe it is. After a while, have you ever thought of all these thoughts are actually your defense mechanism? You said you’re trying to confront it. But I think you take it far stretched. I think how you felt is personal. Being gay, lesbian or bisexual it’s personal. Sometimes it is being selfish. Try to remove yourself from the bigger picture as an individual not the humanity and listen to yourself.
I’ve been confused too, about what I like. It was my darker days during my high school. Now instead of focusing on whether I am a hetero or bisexual I stop trying to label myself convince myself. I don’t think it bothers me that much anymore. I realized, ultimately someone that you will be with and the one you need should be the one that you being in love with, unconditionally. It can be anyone. It doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a gal. Then later, you’re free to label yourself if you want to. Ultimately the choice is yours.