“So what do you want or need from him?” 

I don’t have the exact answer. YL shoot me with this question when I disclosed almost everything to her.

I want to call D mine. I want to be there when he is upset and tell him everything is going to be alright, and vice versa. I want to be part of his life. I want to share my joys and tears with him. I yearn for his presence, his grace……..the list goes on.

And I thought. What can I offer him? What can I give him? He wants nothing from me. I don’t see him needs me in any sense. I felt so useless like a trash.

And I want him to be happy. Maybe that’s what I need to know. The most important thing. Will he be happy with me? Or maybe without me, he is happier?

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