I still don’t get him.

To my dear readers, I’m sorry I’ve went incognito for this few days. I’ve been studying hard. Real hard for the whole reading week.

Recently, there is some changes between me and S. Some sorta change of dynamic. I think he realized I like him. He realized that those anonymous birthday gifts that he got for two consecutive years. Well, I guess I dropped my hints too obviously, he kinda figured it out(did I mention he is majoring in math and he is brilliant??) I pushed too far I guess. He did react badly. He didn’t talk to me when we met with friends. He don’t look at me or at least notice my mere existence in the room. As if he did that on purpose, as if he hated me.

As if things turned into dust.
I never quite get it after all, I never have any and I never will.

I don’t understand and it frustrates me. This continued for a week or so. I was puzzled. I did nothing wrong, or I did too much. I should have kept mum and low key about this. Maybe because of my sudden urge, or craziness or craving for love made me took the step. Nonetheless, it is too late to go back and undo what I’ve done and I don’t regret about it. Back to square one.

And this few days, I got the chance to study in lab and he was there too. He is better now. Better than last week. Back to normal. At least he’ll look at me or smile at me.

Till now, I still don’t get him. Agghh.

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