I don’t know how to say, react and feel about this. Yesterday night my elder brother confirmed that he is getting married. Short-gun style. I was puzzled at first when I heard it from him last Wednesday. Because I was too occupied with my assignments due next day. I told him call me back on Friday. And I got the situation cleared. He is going to be a daddy. My parents is going to be grandma and grandpa. My second brother is going to be the uncle. I’m going to be a 21years old aunt. I’m going to have a niece or nephew in just seven months. They told both sides of parents and decided to go on honeymoon marriage in May.
I felt weird out. I felt sad for no obvious and apparent reason. I felt like crying. Although the person who is having a baby in her belly is not me. I felt lost. I felt like o just lost someone. I felt overwhelming emotional. I’m not my parents. I’m not her girlfriend. I’m her little sister. Her one and only little sister. And I’m losing him already. I know that little baby is going to be so loved and cared for, as my parents they love kids. Especially my dad because I can see how he loves to play with the little ones. That reminds me how incapable of me, how I outgrown, leaving home to study in HK. Reminds me of once my dad wanted a baby girl so that she will actually spends time with my dad. I didn’t make fulfill the promise. I felt terrible about it. In fact, writing this down on my phone while crying in public is the last thing I thought I’ll do. And I did.
Nonetheless, I’ll love this child.