Last Friday, it was my first ever solo performance in public of nearly 200 people, singing ‘Kantoi’ by Zee Avi with S as my guitarist <3. I was nervous, and right before the performance, S went incognito. I was freaked out, tried to search for him in the crowd. 1minutes before our turn, he was nowhere to be seen. I asked my bff called him right away and he was actually went outside for a moment and he made it back right before our show. It went well. But I was a bit upsets and I did as if I scolded him for walking away without telling me or anything. He seems agitated with my reactions and freak outs. He was quite lost why I was so angry and agitated and did lashed out at him. He tried to explain that he went outside for a moment to take some air and pick up the phone.

“Where did you go just now? I thought you just went away. No one knows how to play this song. I can’t play myself.”

Blatantly, he said ” You thought I’ll just walk away and leave you like this? Why can’t you believe me? You don’t trust me.” 

I was wrong. I was too nervous it overwhelmed me. So I did apologized to him. I know I can trust him. I need to have some faith.

After the performance when cleaning up the location, J, my previous ex little crush (no longer feel for him but we remains good friends) we were talking about his current crush, KT. I found out that during last fall semester. I was surprised but I wish them well, because they both are my friends. I was asking about his progress with him and KT. I realized he was weird. He stuttered as he said,

” what’s your reaction if I said yes? or no? “

He was looking for my reaction if he is letting go of KT or not. I was puzzled. He kept dropping hints.  At that moment I was scared that he’ll somehow confess to me in my face. Luckily he didn’t, because I don’t know what to say.


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