“And that’s how people who don’t think they’re worth anything – who have been made to feel worthless by people they love – end up either alone, or emotionally dependent on the very people who make them feel like they don’t deserve more. When you believe you’re not worth loving, and someone tries to care about you in a healthy, real way, you either think they’re pathetic and would love anyone, or you think they’re full of shit. That’s how, once your opinion of yourself has been taken low enough for long enough, you start rejecting the people who could actually love you in the correct way. You push away the people who could potentially, slowly start helping you remember how truly valuable you are.
Maybe this is how things get better. Perhaps now that the wound has been uncovered and identified, it can be repaired, and maybe where there currently exists raw, infected tissue, healing will happen and only a scar will remain. I hear scar tissue is stronger anyway.”
A few weeks ago, I met a man. He was nice in a way that gives considerable depth to the word “nice”. We had a million things in common, and found an easy way with each other immediately. He had a fulfilling job doing work he loved, lived nearby, and had ended a serious relationship long enough ago to be in just the right place to start a new one. There was chemistry. We talked, and exchanged contact information, which he availed himself of after a respectable few days. He wanted to meet for coffee, which I found a reason to decline; I was busy, or working, or something.
Within days, I quickly found myself rejecting his calls, and neglecting to reply to his texts and emails until I forgot to respond at all. As he showed himself to be open and pleasant and not playing games or pretending to…
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