My restless heart anticipating new semester.

It’s a new semester again! Year 2 Semester 2. This is unsettling. I am slightly worried. I’m not prepare for this, mentally or physically. I want to update a bit here.

I don’t know what’s going on with my future career or prospect. My last semester results is not out yet, maybe 2 more days. I bet it won’t be good. I blew my choir audition and internship interview last Friday. I wasn’t even sure I’m getting back into the choir team. The internship I’m sure I’m not getting one because  I wasn’t the right match at all. At that moment I was actually confused by the lecturer, wondering why I want to be a clinical psychologist at all, while I’m applying for perception, attention and learning psychology internship. I am sincerely puzzled. At that moment my brain was fucked up and my feelings are now all messed up.  One thing for sure, I don’t have much time to do this self-discovery thingy. I must figure things out, like ASAP.

My social life. It’s doing, funnily. I don’t get the chance to talk to my muse. I don’t even know what can I do to patch things up, between me and D. I got ‘tired’ a bit. I dreaded myself too much in this unrequited platonic love. I can’t afford to love another. His existence clouded my judgments and vision. I am looking around, looking for other potential targets. While my effort has been mostly, fruitless because I see no potentials at all, given that me and Kitty are no way gonna work. I don’t know how my mom’s premonition from my astrology gonna ever work. She predicted the love of my life gonna be here by February 2014. She said this since last year’s February. Well, I guess we’ll see whether she got this true or not very soon.

Like this song, I have restless heart. Calm my soul my dear. I am in fear of the uncertainty, the unknown. I felt utterly helpless and hopeless. Lend me a hand, sing me a lullaby. Will you help me get through this?

Well there’s a river that runs through Glasgow
And makes her but it breaks her and takes her into the parks
And her current just like my blood flows
Down from the hills, round aching bones to my restless heart

Well I would swim but the river is so wide
And I’m scared I won’t make it to the other side
Well God knows I’ve failed but He knows that I’ve tried
I long for something that’s safe and warm
But all I have is all that is gone
I’m as helpless and as hopeless as a feather on the Clyde

Well on one side all the lights glow
And the folks know and the kids go where the music and the drinking starts
On the other side where no cars go
Up to the hills that stand alone like my restless heart

Well I would swim but the river is so wide
And I’m scared I won’t make it to the other side
Well God knows I’ve failed but He knows that I’ve tried
I long for something that’s safe and warm
But all I have is all that is gone
I’m as helpless and as hopeless as a feather on the Clyde

Well the sun sets late in Glasgow
And the daylight and the city part
And I think of you in Glasgow
Cos you’re all that’s safe, you’re all that’s warm in my restless heart

 

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