Ok. I’ve been slacky quite a bit lately. I don’t remember the last time I blogged. Well, I haven’t been blogging/writing since Christmas, for the longest time, ever. I’ve been occupied with stuffs. Shoppings, outings, foodie, traveling to island and gatherings. I am constantly surrounded with people, my friends, my old buddies, did some catch ups. I realized I don’t have much thoughts when I am surrounded with people. I don’t think as much. My mind will just turn into silent mood. While I’m not with people, I tends to think a lot. Lots of them. But among all, I thought of D.
He hasn’t replied me since new year. I tried to make a small talk over the FB at the strike of new year 2014. We chatted a bit and he asked me what’s my NY resolutions. He didn’t reply me soon after I asked what’s his, leaving me hanging there like a fool. I know I know. This is how it works. But still, it hurts. It’s rough. All I want is some kind reply. Some concerns and care from him. It felt like so much to ask, it felt like so much I asked. He’s not worth what I felt now. I felt terrible as a person. He makes me felt worthless. I am that worthless? Tell me tell me what should I do?
My bff slim bitch she’s been talking about him in front of me and my friends without me bringing him out as a topic. And it actually tears me from inside every time they talk about him.
“What’s so good about D? He looks like a kid.”
I was quiet. For several times I have to explain myself and why I felt in love with him, try to convince my friends that he is a nice person, a person worth my time and love. But the truth is that how I felt it doesn’t matters anyway. Others may not felt and knows how you felt about them. I’m just torturing myself with my own thoughts and imaginations. Sometimes I find myself seeing some flashes, where I try to caress his cheek, running my fingers in his messy hair, touch his lips lightly, and he’ll smile back at me. These flashes keep haunting me. They’re beautiful, but the truth is that this probably will never happen.
I should treat myself better, do myself good, love myself more.
Get over this. I have to convince myself.