I felt jealous. Just a bit. Maybe more than a bit when I saw D posted something about a convo with another gal. She again? I don’t really like that.
My heart sank a bit. It mess me up. I need to push the bad, negative feelings behind me. I need to breathe, and let go off all those negativity in me.
I need to stay focused. I need that focus, numbness. I need the numbness. I need the I-don’t-care-about-all-this-shit spirit. I need to be selfish. I need to wrap my feelings in a protective cover where no one can penetrate. I need to differentiates my feelings from thinking. I need to be, robotic.
Because, I can’t think clearly and study if I keep thinking about him. I want to kill myself.