Possible feelings.

Busy. Very busy. I’m busy. He’s busy too. I know. The whole semester is gonna comes to the end in less than 2 weeks time. I’ve 3/4 group projects, 2 reports to hand in in no time, 1 exam coming up, 1 presentation, 2 performance in 2 weeks. And 3 more exams in 3 weeks. Last week, after knowing how bad I scored for my mid-terms, I was almost crushed on the spot. My heart is broken. My results was far worst than I ever expected. The overwhelming needs and pressure of study hard and knowing the reality of my bleak future as a social science graduate, they are like tsunami, hitting me real hard and mercilessly.

I am practically numb. I wanted someone to talk to. But that person simply not available. Maybe he did that on purpose or what I don’t know and I guess I’ll have no way to find out. Or maybe I know I can find out but just that knowing the truth might just do more harm than good. For me of course. It will mean that I have to accept the truth that I am the past. His past. D’s past. If he is putting me or us beside, left me behind.

I’m not too sure how I would feel.

Maybe it will be numb, cold, feeling the emptiness in my heart.

Or it will be like a razor blade slices my heart. Let me bleeds, experiences the pain brought by the slow death of my heart that kills me from within.

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