Try to preoccupy myself with stuffs, make myself as busy as possible. I’m now taking up courses, so that I will be busy while make good use of my free time and that will prevent me from overthinking with my life, relationships, people and stuffs. This seems like a good way to take my mind off with life, stuffs that I don’t want to deal with. Building up my own ‘wall’. Try to do stuffs which I don’t usually do.
I was concern about me and D. This is one of the things that I’ve no idea how to deal with. I’ll love to talk to him, in person, just both of us. But I’m scared, I’m scared that he’ll just find some reasons to avoid me again. Although he has done that a few million times that I think I’ve pretty much used to it already. While my brain wanted to just let go of him, detach him from me. But my heart stops me from doing so. It’s not that I’m still into him, it’s me still wanted to depends on him. He’s my safe ground. Someone whom I trust the most at here.
And I still have no idea what to do or deal with us.