4 August 2013, 4.41pm GHT
60days in Ghana has ended. I still can vividly recall the first day I was at Ghana, as if it was yesterday. And today also marks the 60th day I confessed to D. And now I’m on the plane, the journey back to Hong Kong, to the place where I supposed to be. Leaving here, it’s not as hard as I thought. But the thought of going back scares me. I’m afraid to go back, which is rather odd.
He was away for quite some time, as I observed he probably realized that he should seriously start doing something about his study as the summer is about to end in a month time. I can tell he is in distraught and I don’t felt like go to message him, as he probably care less. But he did like my picture today, the one with teddy in my bag pack. I was actually smiling like an idiot when I saw that Facebook notification. I guess something still hasn’t changed.
This journey has been…. What word should I use….Bumpy? Yeah maybe. And I learnt more about myself and others:
- I hate to talk to strangers and new people-Or should I say maybe I’ve changed. Or just because some people has changed me in a bad way in this trip. Therefore, I would say I hate myself about this. I might have social anxiety.
- People’s friendliness could be mistaken as being creepy- I got proposed of marriage for more than 8 times. Grabbed and touched in inappropriately (at least in Asian context they are not the right thing to do)
- I fail to write well- failed my literature review(Chill, I resubmitted and passed~ phew~)
- Helping people indeed a fulfilling job- 7 children confessed child sexual abuse cases
- I am an attention-whore- I constantly go on mess with people on whatsapp, posting pictures and statuses. I can’t control myself.
- I tend to avoid rather than face the issue- I really need to fix this. It’s gonna kill me eventually.
- My patient somehow can be god-level sometimes- It depends…..
- I do ignore people when I am in a no-good mood- That’s the best way I keep myself from lashing out at innocent peoples.
Writing this all down is the only way I preserve that moments and feelings. I’m getting old(I love to use this reason, although I’m just 20 years old), kinda forgetful. This list can helps to remind my inabilities. I need something to constantly reminds me stuffs.