I dreamt of my funeral. It was weird. Looking at others as third person, shouting at others what to do while they just simply can’t acknowledge your existence. Momentarily I could choose where I wanted to be by just a second. Flying in the air is possible. I can be everywhere I wanted to be and stalking who ever I wanted to stalk. Great. That sounds fun. But the downside is that I could not change or manipulate their actions. I just stare/ stalk them. Doing stupid stuffs. At some point of my dream I did scream at them while they just simply don’t see me at all. So pathetic. I was really frustrated. I don’t want my afterlife to be like this !! But I remember again. Oh this is just a dream and I am dreaming my funeral, screw it. Just let’em do it.
I am actually considering I should be writing more details about how I want my funeral in my will.
Member at : XXXX
Past: College Committee of XXXX (COCO), XXXX debater
I was random, I peek at his Facebook wall again. But this time I was just checking out as I saw some his tweets appeared on my newsfeed. Apparently he tweets more often than putting up status lately. But somehow his tweeter account is connected to his facebook so I still could see what the hell he is doing.
But just now I saw something changed. He placed his COCO job as past (COCO is the committee of the dorm we were staying together for the last two semesters). I don’t remember he placed that at there before this!! I was shocked and and numb. This is the point where my heart sank a bit more and knowing the fact that he might just made his decision not to come back, anymore. That’s why it is there. We aren’t really talking and chatting through Facebook or anything. I am pre-occupied with my writing and life at Ghana here. I’ve been stressed up lately. I used to find him to talk myself out, or at least his presence will make everything seems better. But I am in no situation to find him now. Finding him to spare my stress isn’t an option. He will just simply ignore my messages.
I am now in this epiphany that I find myself so alone that while I am surrounded with people, yet I could not share my feelings with them.
I just simply couldn’t.