Moody, gloomy Saturday.

Today I attended a funeral.  I don’t know the deceased but she was the daughter of my employer.  She was about my age. But unfortunately she died of random brain tumor. No one see that coming. I can’t imagine how their families felt.

My another employer shared with us that there are 5 students /victims came out after our numerous presentations at Junior High and primary schools. We are glad as our effort makes a different, but at the same time felt sad to see them, knowing what they experienced. Some part of me disbelieve why people did such a monsterous act.


Tears stream down my face. I couldn’t let my guard down, therefore I use shower as an excuse, so that I won’t be crying in front of others. The feelings just boils over me. I felt again so lonely. He’s still playing hide and seek, avoiding me.

There are several times I wanted to find him, I found myself staring at the Facebook chatlist, looking at his name,  or just waiting for him to go online. Or just repetitively checking whatsapp, hoping to see him online. There are a dozen times I wanted to message him. But I wondered what should I write so that he will reply me. But at the end I resisted myself from sending him a message.  I’m not too sure what am I doing. 


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