The real confession.

3 June, 2013

2.30am+

Finally he’s in his room and I invite myself over. He kept repeating that I was definitely having suicidal thoughts or at least having. I’m definitely not. No way I’m dying. But I do need to tell him stuff. I casually asked him what he did just now. He filled me in, telling me they were having a somesorta farewell for their committee head guy and girl (they were actually couple). Sadly for them. This farewell is forever. So he asked me how am I doing. He repeated the words ‘suicidal thoughts’ like a couple a times because I wasn’t talking and I kept reflecting the topic. Because I want to spend more time with him. Even a minute more will do.

And we went into an awkward silence and he was on his computer and I was just sitting there trying very hard to talk. It’s really hard for me to open my mouth.

” Okay. I need to tell you something….I didn’t finish my story that day. I hate moving on. When I have to move to HK to study, I don’t really have the difficulty.  But it’s hard for me to leave here. ”

“Okay…so what are you missing?”

“…….”

“As a psychology student, isn’t that you should be introspective or you’re not thinking it deeper?”

“…….”

*I’m sure I was in total silence for more than  4 minutes. With my head down low, hiding my face.

” The reason is you.”

“Interesting,” he murmured with a bit of smile.

“I like you more than I should. I should be going.” * I tried to grab all the things I had with me and bash out of his room and I didn’t actually look back. Because I was too scared that I’m going to cry.

“And I hope to see you next semester.” * tried to hold on the door knob while saying my last words. I didn’t turn my head back and I ran back to my room.

And now.

I saw him played the song ‘A drop in the ocean’ by Ron Pope that I shared with him on FB.

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

I don’t wanna waste the weekend,
If you don’t love me, pretend
A few more hours, then it’s time to go.
And as my train rolls down the East coast,
I wonder how you keep warm.
It’s too late to cry, too broken to move on.

Still I can’t let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep.
Don’t see what you don’t need, from me.

Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

Misplaced trust and old friends,
Never counting the regrets,
By the grace of God, I do not rest at all.
and New England as the leaves change;
The last excuse that I’ll claim,
I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl.

Still I can’t let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep,
Don’t see what you don’t need, from me.

Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my

Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore no, no
Heaven doesn’t seem far away.
Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore no, no
Heaven doesn’t seem far away.

nooo
nooo

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.
You are my heaven

And now 4.20am. My feelings now is …complicated. Should I be happy about? But for sure, I should be sleeping. I have seminar that I could not possibly sleep. Till then, I’ll try to sleep. But I highly doubt I could. There is nothing I can do anyway.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s