I’m gonna do the speech tonight. No other time. We don’t have time.
Tonight we went to a farewell party organized by the dorm committee. It is the last major event of the semester and marks the end of semester. It’s 2 June already. Time really flies. Tonight is probably the last night he is staying here, and he’s leaving tomorrow. We had a real good/awkward time at the party. We sat at different table. But I can’t help myself turning my head finding/staring at him. After the buffet they open the dance floor and having clubbing musics. I’m not good at dancing. He enjoyed himself dancing crazily with others. I’m more like a socially awkward penguin. Popping songs is never my thing. But I enjoyed the ambiance.
The lights and the musics dies down. Everything ends. I took my chance to ask him whether he is going to LKF or anything. He said no but he will need to stay back to help clean up. It was fine. I told him to tell me when he get back. I’ll need to talk to him. In a serious manner.
Now I’m waiting. Actually I’m still very much in doubt. Am I going to be able to say my prep speech?
“There’s something didn’t say that day. I told you. It’s hard for me to move on. I hate changes. But I didn’t have much difficulty to leave Malaysia to come here to study. The thing is, when I realized, I got Ghana, I felt happy but confused at the same time. I’m happy because I get to go out and see the world. But at the same time, I find it hard for me to leave here. And the reason is you. The emotional attachment to you is too strong that I realized leaving here it’s going to be difficult to me. I realized I like you more than I should and I miss you dearly already. You don’t have to say or do anything. But I hope I can see you when I get back. “
My heart pretty much sinks. I felt really heavy, my heart of course. It’s like the helium balloon that I got from the party. It should be floating but when I got it back, it just straight beat down by gravity. I felt my whole body is slightly burning up. I’m not too sure it was because of the drinking or just me feeling very intense. I guess it is something that you will feel when you want to confess.
Breathe. I should breathe. Calm down. You can do this. All you need is some guts and be brave. Some words have to be said tonight.