Omg. Am I waiting for something that probably never going to happen? I’m such a fool. All I can do is just cry about it. The burst of my tears down my cheek won’t cure or heal anything but that’s the only thing that I can do now. He always said I have too little friends and I always notice that even without him to point this out to me. That’s why. I cling to him.
And now, even if I have to move on, I don’t know and I’m not sure how and where should I start with while he’s been in my mind all these time. What should I replace him with in my mind?
Today, he told me. He’s going back tomorrow right after exam and he’s going away for a week. And by the time he got back, we are left with 11 days(probably way less than this) before I’m leaving HK for Ghana for 2 months. I immediately felt an intense heaviness in my heart, as if my heart sinks a bit or weight few more pounds. I put up a fake smile, asking if we ever going to hike and see the dawn like we used to said before I leave. I really love to go see the dawn last time but because of typhoon we canceled it a months back. He promised he will come back in a week and we will go by then. He said so. But I’m not sure that will really happen.
Couldn’t cope with the intense uneasiness, I felt myself agitated for the whole day. To distract myself, I went out with a friend of mine at the evening hoping it will takes away how I felt. It doesn’t help.
Came to the dorm, alone again in the room. At 2.37am. Again. The overwhelming emotions consumed me. I gave up trying to hold myself back. I’m glad I’m in single room. I hope my floormates didn’t hear me crying. I cried my heart out. Maybe it’s the most therapeutic way of relieving these feelings. Especially in the middle of night, and these days has been really hard for me because I have no one to talk to, with all my bff working real hard with their lives. They are too busy to take care of me being so whiny.
My eyes and lips are swollen and hurts. Oh dear. How am I going to face tomorrow?