18 May 2013
Its 2 days after my judgement week. I thought I can see him right after my exams. But I didn’t get the chance. Because I was being out for 2 days with my friends. I’m now being so damn free that I probably spend most of the time thinking about him. He calls me maybe once a day, I was glad. But I want to see him in person even more. He always say and ends our phone conversation with “talk to you later” or “will talk to you tonight” but he never did. Did he knows I was waiting for him each night? I will just look at the clock more often than I should. Hoping that he’ll call me or find me or something. Did he knows how much I miss him but I tried real hard to stop myself. I didn’t go to find him because I was scared I am bothering him. He needs the focus to study.I don’t want to be the bitch that annoys him.
Of course. This is only a few days. We are talking about 2 months. Me away from HK. Plus, I’m not even sure I can see him right after I come back. Oh shit. The nerves hitting me again. 5 days till the result day of readmission. This is going to decide everything. I pray to god . Please let us go through this.
Half way through this I’m crying again. I don’t know why am I crying and this is probably the third time I cried about us ( I know I might be a heartless bitch but sure I get upset but I didn’t cry).
Is this the way he is letting me away? Just bit by bit. Letting me slips away? If he thought he can, all I can say is, I fall hard. Like my bff said. I know. Letting go of something once you want to grasp on something, It’s almost never my thing. I might not be as bad as a hoarder but letting go of something it’s always been my issue. I love to cling on familiarity. I stuck with it and I love it. It is really hard for me to get over with something as I often introspect and think about my past or my life. I always believe that my past made up who I am now. It’s a process of growing up. Get over things? It takes time (fking long)and it sucks. And if that happens, I’ll always miss him.
With all my heart. I love him. Always.