Letting go?


18 May 2013
Its 2 days after my judgement week. I thought I can see him right after my exams. But I didn’t get the chance. Because I was being out for 2 days with my friends. I’m now being so damn free that I probably spend most of the time thinking about him. He calls me maybe once a day,  I was glad. But I want to see him in person even more. He always say and ends our phone conversation with “talk to you later” or “will talk to you tonight” but he never did. Did he knows I was waiting for him each night? I will just look at the clock more often than I should. Hoping that he’ll call me or find me or something. Did he knows how much I miss him but I tried real hard to stop myself.  I didn’t go to find him because I was scared I am bothering him. He needs the focus to study.I don’t want to be the bitch that annoys him.

Of course. This is only a few days. We are talking about 2 months. Me away from HK. Plus, I’m not even sure I can see him right after I come back. Oh shit. The nerves hitting me again. 5 days till  the result day of readmission. This is going to decide everything. I pray to god . Please let us go through this.

Half way through this I’m crying again. I don’t know why am I crying and this is probably the third time I cried about us ( I know I might be a heartless bitch but sure I get upset but I didn’t cry).

Is this the way he is letting me away?  Just bit by bit. Letting me slips away? If he thought he can, all I can say is, I fall hard. Like my bff said. I know. Letting go of something once you want to grasp on something, It’s almost never my thing. I might not be as bad as a hoarder but letting go of something it’s always been my issue. I love to cling on familiarity. I stuck with it and I love it. It is really hard for me to get over with something as I often introspect and think about my past or my life. I always believe that my past made up who I am now. It’s a process of growing up. Get over things? It takes time (fking long)and it sucks. And if that happens, I’ll always miss him.

With all my heart. I love him. Always.

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3 thoughts on “Letting go?

  1. I hope that you realise you are worthy of much much more. Not calling when you say you will is a sign of disrespect. I know. I’ve been there. When he doesn’t have the decency to come out and say that he doesn’t want a relationship anymore I personally think it’s a sign of cowardice and disrespect for your feelings and your time. I know, I (like an idiot- now that I really think about it) waited an entire year (mainly because of distance between us) for someone. It’s time we women demand more from relationships. Why stay if you are miserable. If you are crying, something is wrong- communication is off and something needs to give. It’s great when you are patient and all that good stuff but sometimes you have to think what damage are you doing to your heart, your self-esteem, your soul? Let God’s love heal you and please please please DO NOT blame yourself if this does not work out! I hope I haven’t angered you but have gotten you to think which is my intention. Friendship and love NEVER hurts. Forgive and move on if you have to; otherwise you will keep hurting. Blessings.

    1. Thank you reading my post. I really appreciate you take time to read it.
      You’re right. But I will like to wait. I will like to take the chance if that’s what it takes. Maybe he’s the one I’ve been waiting for? I don’t know and I can’t be sure. But all I know is he makes me really happy every time I got the chance to spend time with him. It is going to be tough I know. Maybe it is a process for me to through like my mom told me(she knows astrology). Maybe I’m a bit of masochistic person where I somehow prefer being hurt rather than hurting people. Till now, the pain still bearable. Thanks for your concern!! I will try hard to move on if it’s unbearable and it reached my limit. I hope this day will not come. Lots of love.

      1. Hi, I understand what you mean as well. All the best to you both. Remember communication is key and with God in the middle all will be well 🙂 Take care

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