What I want?

“What you want???” 

My friends screamed me. I’ve been bothering them with my predicament and they’ve been sick of me whining about the same issue. I know what’s their answer. If I were them, I would give the same answer too. 

My predicament: 

I’m now I fall in love with a really close guy friend. I never could tell him how I feel because he is confused with his sexuality. I’m scare of losing him as he is my everything now. We are at the grey area where things got unresolved. My heart aches and my eyes tears when I think about us. 

Possible solutions: 

1. Tell him how I feel before the summer starts(end of springs)

2. Not tell him how I feel and keep it this way and be BFF

3. Wait and see

**********

Ultimately, I have to figure out what I want. In fact, I have no idea. What is the outcome that I desire? I’m not quite sure. So if I’m gonna walk to him and confess, what are the possible consequences? I’m I taking the risk of confess for the sake of confess without even knowing what I want? I don’t want to be like that. That will be foolish and stupid.

I must control myself not to do that. I have no options isn’t it? To keep this precious friendship. He knows I don’t have many friends here. In fact, I’m pretty much restricted to my comfort zone. I know I should go out and explore the world, know more people and he encourage me to do so too. Yes I will. Probably starting next semester. I will. I’m too scare of losing things that I own now. But without taking the risk I know I will head to nowhere. 

Back to square one. What I want? I want him. 

 

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