Frustrated. Those insecure that I’ve feeling, every time I think of future. My job prospects, studies and him. It’s so uncertain.
Before university, I always very certain on what I want and know what to do with it. I have this clear picture of what my future will be. Then as I try to go along, follow the path of my mental picture, it is not as easy as I thought. I’m never be as good as I thought I will be. I used to live in my comfort zone that I’m always content with because I was good at what I should be doing.
But as I grow up a bit, things do not get better. Out of my comfort zone, I’m not getting any better than people surrounding me. Sometimes I felt so sad because I can never be good enough. I wanted to improve myself but the thing is I always have this dilemma. Do I want to do something that I don’t like but somehow good for my future? Or do things that I love that will probably useless in future?
This dilemma has kept me bound to the ground. I ended up doing nothing and still idling after almost 2 semesters. I always have real hard time to make up my mind. Probably this is just part of my traits. I couldn’t run into something foreign without thinking through. Sometimes probably too introspective.