Another day. We stalked one of our friend’s blog. He wanted to like her post and comment at her post to show some support to her. As she seems to be lost and sad recently and we have no idea how to talk to her. He eager to support her quietly, but afraid will end up exposing his own secrets, his blog. He sat right across the table, in front of me. I was tired, I turned my head away, overlooking the silt of 6am morning light forest behind our residence. So peaceful. So quiet. He was actually secretly looking and analyzing at his own secret blog, which to me it is no longer a secret as I somehow manage to find that out(but he has no idea about that, I assumed). He thought of deleting some posts so that my friend will not figure him out by reading ’em. But he ended up not doing so because she will still figure it out with other clues on his blog.I figured, and asked him create a fake name just to make a comment on that post without exposing his own blog.
I saw his expressions as he went through his secret blog. Sad. Despair. Confused. I am speechless. I said nothing. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him that he is not my friendzone, never ever. I fall in love with his accent the first time I know him. But I never think further of anything will happen given that I always think that he is gay. I never put high hope in this. But as I know more about him in person, he said he is might just be bisexual. But actually he is just confused and doubt with his own sexuality as he never been in any relationship before like me. As we talked more over countless sleepless night till dawn, somehow I couldn’t help myself to really care about him. I like his accent that sounds angelic to me. His semi husky/cracky but soft voice when he sing somehow it’s music for my soul. As we sat closely, I can’t help myself to smell his scent that almost resembles baby to me that I couldn’t resist. His thick lips, sometimes cracks but I still have the urge to kiss him. As he applies the lip balm on his lips, I wondered how it taste like on his lips.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him all this. This is not the time.