Breathe. I need to breathe. Sometimes, you can give me all sorts of heart attacks.I hate it. I hate myself so much when I care. Sometimes, I really needed to breathe, so that I won’t angry with those tiny stuffs. Sometimes, I care too much, I want to know the details of your life. I know you’re busy. Me too. We have our own life. Us is just probably a tiny part of our life. You have your own life to live. I have mine. But ever since that day I cried when someone misused your fb to chat with me something private, till I almost reveal my secrets, that day changed everything. I realized how much you mean to me. How it sadden me, makes me realize, how special you are in my heart. How I couldn’t hate you, angry about you, I cried. That incident made a difference.
I get a bit agitated. Knowing that you’re constantly with girls. Oh well, with a particular girl, that gets into my nerves. The thoughts agitates me. Knowing that I won’t be able to do anything. I felt so helpless. I couldn’t change anything. All I do is just watch there. From far sight. My eyes hurts. My heart hurts even more. Sometimes I felt like talking about my crush(used to) just to hurt you back. But I couldn’t. I’ll just say “nahhh, I don’t feel that anymore.” at the back. I just couldn’t hurt you.
I admit. I’m a bit scare. Okay I’m scare. Losing you is the last thing I ever want. And that is also the reason why I couldn’t tell you how you mean to me. I never be able to speak that three words to you because it means something to me. It saddens me when you spoke that three words to my bff in a joking matter. Knowing that we both in this situation, we just couldn’t speak of that words. Till you’re ready. And that will take time. All I can do is just pray and smile.
I always have the thought that I don’t know where that come from. But I know you’re different from others to me. My heart felt good with you. Calm and comfort when with you, which is something that I never felt before. And you’re the only exception.