Today. Just another day. Bump into my friends at the supermarket. They asked, “Are you in relationship with D now?” I turned away my face, making a face palm and I just replied “OMG”. I tried to hide my face away. Because this time, my heart felt a bit sour listen to that question.
I don’t feel like replying. We are friends. Always been. This question has been repeated for so many times by different persons, sometimes I’m kinda too tired to reply them. “Oh no, we are just friends.*end with a polite smile*” Today the question repeats itself.
To be honest, I start to feel, tired. I’m tired. Do I have the strength to continue this? My obsession towards him sometimes it’s kinda….out of control. I get jealous easily. Actually it’s so easy to get jealous but I just simply…couldn’t do anything. He is just a friend. If I might say, a good friend. A very good one. I as a friend, should be doing what friends do. I should not cross the line. It is so tiring sometimes. Things that I could not control or change. Yeah. It is indeed really hard for me. I tried very hard to suppress my obsession, my craziness.
But, how long I can still stand with these? Perhaps, until a certain point, where I’m too selfish to care, too tired to deal with this. At the point where i could no longer take care of this burden. Or where at the edge, where my feelings is over that I truly let go.
I know what I’m doing is foolish. Probably the dummiest thing on earth that I would do. But I always follow my instincts, follow my heart.
But, this time, I hope that I’m not wrong about this. Getting myself into this deep shit, will not be easy to get out after all these years of pain. My heart might not even have the strength to hold itself anymore. The broken heart. Yes I’m broken.