Here we go again. Oh well.I think this might be an occasional thing that I felt like the need to say out loud but I couldn’t. Things that still linger in my mind.
I think it’s been sometime, I don’t feel the joy and happiness when I did something that used to make me really happy. The feeling of happy, somehow diminishes. Things that used to be exciting, doesn’t stay that way. I guess I really have the tendency to search for drives.
We talked. Again. Till 5 something morning. The lack of feeling joy, or feeling nothing,emptiness scares me. I told him. I couldn’t feel happiness. I am indeed pathetic.
My feelings for him,it is somehow very different compare to other crushes that I used to have. I felt no nervousness beside him. I felt really comfortable around him. But I simply don’t have those crazy flutter butterfly in my stomach. Odd. I don’t know why there is no such feelings. But without his presence like say for a day, without knowing where he is, how is he doing, what’s he’s thinking, will makes me feel unease.
All I want is a hug from him, now. I want to hold him close, listen to his heartbeats, feel his warmness, his lovely scent.